You Remember Her Yelling

By Anonymous / Spring 2022

Dear L,

I know that specific coffee shop situation left you confused and I know that you sometimes think of ways in which maybe you may have caused it. I know you clearly remember the details of the situation and they allow you to think of the reasons as to why you still continue to vividly remember it. I know this situation still holds a place in your mind due to the lack of understanding you had at the time. As you continue to expand your knowledge and understanding, I know your perspective has started to change. You now see the situation in a more understanding way, but not with the aggressor, but with the victim. Being so young at the time, it did not allow you to have the experience or knowledge to know what was really going on right in front of you but with time, it has become clear.

At the time, you had always assumed that people didn't have these racist ideologies anymore, being so young you didn't realize that they still existed. You had thought that what you had been taught in school about Martin Luther King and the civil rights movement, it meant that people had completely gotten rid of their racist belief, but clearly there were still those small percentage of people that continued with their racist beliefs.

You still remember this day clearly, it started early with you and dad. You had gone to work with him in the early in the morning at around four in the morning. At the time, dad was working two jobs and one of them involved cleaning parking lots. The maintenance jobs were time consuming when done alone, so you would always insist on going even when he insisted that he was able to go alone just fine. You would keep insisting even when he would tell you that it would not be a good idea but you would somehow convince him with your good arguments as to why you would be helpful. I know you enjoyed spending time with dad because he always had such as optimistic perspective on life and his humorous ways always made you enjoy the time you would spend with him. He always worked so you took it as an opportunity to spend more time with him and help him out because you could see how exhausted he looked, with working two jobs at time.

You would leave early in the morning, at around four in the morning and finish at around noon. You guys would clean around five or six parking lots a day, on the weekends. You would be wearing baggy clothing in order to try and conceal your identity because you didn't want dad to get in trouble. You would tell dad that you could do half the parking lot and he could do the other and you remember him referring to you as his chief in Spanish. After you guys would finish, you and dad would look forward to treating yourselves to some breakfast, even though it was around noon already. You would stop by the coffee shops and leave happy with a full stomach. However, one of these days specifically was different. When you entered the coffee shop, you did not realize that there were some hateful people present there as well.

As you were heading out of the coffee shop, you remember this lady yelling at dad and telling him to go back to Mexico. It had caught you off guard because dad had not spoken to this lady, nor disrespected her in any way. You just remember being confused because you had not done anything rude nor disrespectful to the lady, it had come out of nowhere. You didn’t realize the severity of her comments at the time. You remember your dad, being the calm and collected person that he is, making a head gesture towards you, indicating that it was time to leave. You remember thinking of the situation as just some random lady being mean, but you didn't realize the racism component to the situation. You had failed to realize at the time that dad had just experienced racism.

You look back at the situation and you think about how dad was just trying to enjoy the rest of his day, tired of working and this random lady thought you guys needed to hear her racist beliefs. Although, you now see the racism component that dad experienced that day, you still don't understand how an adult could see a parent and their child, in work uniform and choose to verbally attack them. You were just a kid, trying to enjoy a day with your dad, who constantly worked. The very little time you would get to spend with him, some racist lady had to come ruin your happy day. You guys were physically tired from working and this lady really thought you needed to listen to her racist beliefs. You began to wonder if that same racist lady had spent the day with you guys, would she begin to understand what it was like to be in your dad's shoes. To be tired, to be overworked, to be trying to find joy in the little things and yet still have people still defining you based on racist ideas.

With that said, I want you to know that even if these racist ideologies still exist within some people, I want you to not let these racist ways get to you. I want you to resist in a nonviolent way, like Martin Luther King did, because I know at times it may seem easier to choose violence. I want you to not be afraid to speak up about racism and not be afraid to embrace your anger towards the situations you have experienced. This anger that you feel is there for a reason and you have to express yourself because it is saying that something is wrong. There is a reason as to why the anger is evoked and that is when you know there is a reason it needs to be expressed.

Yours,

L