Asalaam-o-alaykom
By Anonymous
As I sit alone with my father on the prayer mat, I remember the times when I used to go with my father to the bookstore (stationary shop) to buy supplies for new school year, or when we used to go to bakeries to find the best confectionaries for upcoming Eid (annual Muslim festival), or the times I spent with my neighbors and school friends playing soccer, cricket and volleyball. These are core memories that have filled my life with a deep sense of meaning, community and belonging. Yet I also realize the countless times I declined going to my friends’ house or gatherings because I was hell bent on getting straight A grades.
I was a straight A student from middle school to high school and that continued even in my community college, graduating with a 4.0 GPA. My academic success made me stand out in the family and school and was one of the main sources of self-worth for me growing up. Therefore, I dedicated as much time as to maintain my spot at the top of the class. See the school that I went to not only had grade scheming like A+, A, B and so on, it also had a class rank i.e. from position 1 (top rank), position 2, to the last position. This meant an inbuilt hierarchy in every class that we were in. It was a source of pride to be the top ranked student from middle school to high school and I did everything in my power to ensure I came out on top in this rat race.
In between this rat race, I realize that I missed out on many aspects of my childhood. I missed out on going to relatives houses when all the cousins would gather. I missed out going to weddings, sport tournaments and countless social gatherings. The only times I would go to would be when I had absolutely nothing left to do academic wise.
Despite my academic success in earlier years, I often find myself remembering the good old memories whenever I go for late night drives to decompress. I vividly remember the smile the old gentleman returned when I greeted him with Asalaam-o-alaykom (peace be upon you). This habit of greeting everyone was instilled in me by my parents no matter who it is, and I try to stay true to this teaching to this day.
Although the rat race helped me succeed in my academics when I immigrated to the United States, I feel like there is a void that needs to be filled. Most of the meaning that I derive in my life comes from principles, and experiences with people. We are social beings and thus require social interaction in order to find that inner radiation within us and to share it with others. By being cut-off from my social life and dedicating all my time to the rat race of grades, I have found that I also cut-off many people that I used to see regularly or that I was friends with.
This brings me back to my current situation with my father. My mom and my siblings went to check on my grandma today. I stayed behind with my father whom I share a deep bond with. He was my hero growing up and continues to be to this day. He preferred serving as a doctor in a refugee camp for 30 years despite having the chance to live in USA in the early 1990s. He received a scholarship to study Medicine in Pune, India. Upon his doctorate, he immigrated to the United States with my mother due to the war in Afghanistan in the aftermath of the Soviet Invasion. However, after spending 8 months here he could no longer tolerate leaving behind everyone including his own father who was ill at the time. Therefore, my parents moved back and lived in a refugee camp in Peshawar, Pakistan.
As a doctor, he had a salary of $150 per month from the local hospital where he worked at. In the afternoon, he would go to another clinic until 8pm or even later. He worked seven days a week for 30 years and we often had patients knock on our house door in the middle of the night on a regular basis. At the clinic, he would forego his fee for anyone who could not afford it at the clinic. I don’t remember him taking a day off in my life, even at times of annual celebration he will still go to check up on patients for a few hours. He spent all his life in the service of his people who had to leave their homes, families, and all belongings due to war. It has left a deep impression of dedicating oneself in the service of humanity on me.
Now that my dad is no longer able to practice medicine due to his health issues, I take inspiration from all the good that he did for his fellow human. It is not any of the material wealth that brings joy or a smile to our faces, rather it is the sacrifices that he gave and all the memories that I have with him growing up. As a child in the refugee camp where I grew up, I met countless people who I had never met before treating me with warmth and love as if I was their own son or brother whenever someone would know that my father was Dr. A.
All of this makes me realize that a restructuring of priorities needs to take place, not only for me but even on a larger, societal level. All the hours that I spent to make sure I came out on top of the rat race could have been better managed. Many concepts that I learned I no longer retain because the main focus was to beat others when it came to school. The ones I remember are mainly from classes where I allowed myself to take my time understanding the concepts and contextualizing those concepts into the broader scheme of things. All these grades came at the cost of losing connection to people who are and were important to me. The cost is quite severe because some of those loved ones are no more! Others are thousands of miles away back home.
It may be a cliché, but it is true that there is no such thing as a free lunch. If one prioritizes material things or coming out on top of the rat race be it academic, financial, or some other endeavor then one must realize that it will come with a cost that may be too much to pay at the end of the day.