Getting at the Roots of Cyberbullying

By Alexandra Muñiz / Winter 2021

Imagine a seemingly happy, 12-year-old girl. She is in the 6th grade at Copeland Middle School in New Jersey and a member of her school’s pep squad and choir. She has great grades, loving parents, siblings, and a bright future ahead of her. Her name is Mallory Grossman. Correction, her name was Mallory Grossman. UNICEF defines cyberbullying as bullying with the use of digital technologies. While the definition is indeed correct I find this definition over-simplistic and reductive. Cyberbullying extends beyond social media and cell phone screens. This can lead to the feeling of being trapped or unable to escape the harassment. For months with no rest, Mallory had endured vicious bullying on her school’s campus. After completing cheer practice or choir rehearsals, she would return home for the day. The bullying shifted from in-person attacks to online abuse which permeated her every waking thought. Her time at home was invaded with countless messages and videos of her bullies attacking her self-worth and encouraging her to end her own life. After months of suffering and her school invalidating her pleas, Mallory finally succumbed. On the evening of June 14, 2017, after an arduous meeting with Mallory’s school to once again discuss bullying concerns, Dianne Grossman, Mallory’s mother called 911 to report her daughter had killed herself while alone in her room.

While there exist a multitude of repercussions online bullying can cause, suicide is one of the most common. According to the CDC, suicide is defined as death caused by injuring oneself with the intent to die. In 2017, there were more than 6,200 suicide deaths among teens similar to Mallory’s age, making it the second-leading cause of death for that age group. It should be noted that 2017 was also the same year of Mallory’s death. When I look back at my time in high school, one of the most painful memories I have is being slut shamed by my peers and a few others who I thought of as friends. To provide some context, I began dating an acquaintance’s ex boyfriend. As it usually goes, I was persecuted and he was celebrated. On my birthday I was handed a note by a classmate. The note was sent from the acquaintance and she had written out all the ways I was a “slut” and “whore”. I didn’t know this at the time, but my reaction was being filmed by a classmate nearby. The video would later be shared on social media. I felt incredibly alone and looking back this is probably what caused me to have trust issues within my friendships. So many of the people in my life I considered friends turned on me and ended our friendship, it was very painful. I remember the constant insults about my morals as a young girl were publicly expressed and this caused a lot of self-loathing. I remember not wanting to attend school and having anxiety attacks as I arrived to campus each day. I remember having stomach aches at lunch time and wanting to shrink down so that I wouldn’t be judged. Eventually I mustered up the courage to talk to the principal about the issue and they very quickly brought in the girl and we discussed it with our school’s mental health advisor. I was honestly very impressed with how swiftly the issue was dealt with. California has laws set to combat cyberbullying but oftentimes the issues are left on the back burner because they do not see it as a pressing issue. Luckily for me, my high school resolved the issue quickly and quietly, unfortunately the same cannot be said for Mallory Grossman.

The state of New Jersey considers itself one of the strictest states prohibiting bullying in public schools. New Jersey enacted a state-mandated Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights Act, in 2002 to combat bullying in public schools. Though this was the law well before Mallory’s case it didn’t seem to make a difference in the situation’s outcome. According to Mallory’s mother, “the school ignored months of pleas” from the family thus creating and enabling a toxic cycle of dismissal that ultimately encouraged the bullies to continue without consequence. In an effort to ensure nothing like this happens to other children, Mallory’s mom and the state of New Jersey established ‘Mallory’s Law’. The bill calls for county officials to oversee local school districts in cases of bullying and bring school resource officers into the situation when parents suspect their child is being bullied. The bill also promises to hold the parents of bullies liable and outlines a course of consequence for the parents, namely a monetary fine.

Mallory’s story is not the only case of cyberbullying. While it is prevalent among teenagers, I would be committing a disservice if I failed to mention that vicious cyberbullying can also occur among adults. While it is not nearly as common in adults, this bullying can become so toxic, it can end in tragedy. This is the case of Netflix reality star Hanna Kimura. Kimura was a Japanese female professional wrestler, famous in her own right. Her mother was a former professional wrestler and the passion for the art was passed on to Kimura. At the age of 22, Kimura landed a role on Netflix’s reality show ‘Terrace House’. In the months after appearing on the show, Kimura received harassment online due to her 'dark skin’ and ‘gorilla’ appearance. Ironically, her main perpetrator was a fellow professional wrestler. Kimura was criticized for her supposed lack of femininity and her outgoing personality. Critics online even went as far as to encourage her to go die’. Kimura was well above adolescence and still received the same vicious abuse online as Mallory. Similar to Mallory, Kimura could no longer endure the hate and on May 23, 2020, she ended her life. While these two cases are tragedies, I mention these cases to emphasize how prevalent and impactful cyberbullying has been and continues to negatively affect people of all ages. While it is a very personal experience, many weigh in on ways to best combat online abuse.

The most common argument people tend to gravitate towards when dissecting cyberbullying and attempting to dissolve it is to shut off and refrain from using tech devices until the situation “blows over” or to even block the bully’s phone number or social media account. I find this thought process to be ineffective and shallow. As a victim of online bullying, I can report that the bullying is not confined to the screens of technology. Secondly, if a bully is persistent enough, they will go as far as to create false accounts to continue the harassment, thereby making online “blocking” useless. Oftentimes, bullies are people we go to school with or interact with on a daily basis. Since this was the case for Mallory, escaping or ’blocking’ her bullies was not an option she could turn to. A second, rather shallow, viewpoint people employ when analyzing cyberbullying is that kids are “supposed” to be mean. Some believe that it “builds character”. While I often joke about this, there are those who unironically believe it and feel it is a ‘rite of passage’ as a young person to undergo social criticism. The question now remains, how far is too far in terms of criticism. Where does the line go past critique to harassment? Teenagers endure hormonal changes which contribute to their mood swings as well as how they deal with emotional situations. While this question cannot be answered in a simple phrase, I argue that the boundary between criticism and abuse is blurred the moment the victim feels they have been wrongfully treated. Bullying is not a rite of passage, nor should it be normalized and chalked up to being a characteristic of adolescence. As the case of Mallory proved: bullying, specifically cyberbullying is unnecessarily cruel and useless to a person’s development. If anything, I argue it severely hinders a person’s development. According to Forbes, Cyberbullying causes long-term effects that manifest into adulthood PTSD in victims as well as their bellies. It is no secret that with the COVID-19 pandemic, in-person contact is limited if not entirely diminished. As adolescents’ online presence is now more prevalent than ever it is realistic and paramount to remember that not all online interactions are beneficial. In the last few years, cyberbullying has attracted a good amount of research and attention. While in-person bullying is almost impossible today, research shows that many of the psychological harms present in regular bullying are visible if not more visceral in online bullying. These negative encounters and prolonged interactions are linked to negative effects well into adulthood. The authors of a new study in the BMJ journal Archives of Disease in Childhood analyze and dissect the connection between cyberbullying and post-traumatic stress disorder. According to mayo clinic, post-traumatic stress disorder, also known as PTSD is essentially a coping mechanism employed by victims of abuse or trauma to cope with the after-effects. PTSD can manifest as anxieties, internal paranoia, involuntary flashbacks to the traumatic event, or even nightmares. Originally, PTSD was thought to only apply to veterans of war, however according to psychiatry.org, PTSD is a disorder impacting anyone who has undergone any sort of trauma, not limited to, but including warfare. The study conducted by BMJ discovered that nearly “ half of the participants reported a history of any type of bullying: 17% as victims, 12% as bullies, and 4% as both”. The study also found that more than one-third of cyberbullying victims developed “clinically significant” PTSD symptoms. And interestingly, nearly 30% of cyberbullies also had PTSD symptoms. The study also interviewed and observed teenagers who had taken on the role of both bully and victim. Through these teens, they found “about 28% had PTSD symptoms”.

Throughout the duration of the course, I have learned to not judge a situation nor place blame prematurely. The emphasis of the course has been to approach situations with a mindful perspective and analyze not the causes or symptoms of a situation, but instead the larger powers at play. Dissecting an emotionally charged social issue such as cyberbullying requires a clear head in order to understand its true origins and hopefully once and for all, resolve the issue. I argue there exist three main causes of cyberbullying: a lack of empathy from the bullies, bullies possessing a sense of superiority, and boredom. According to S.O.S magazine, “there isn’t one fix-all solution” for cyberbullying, but as I discuss the following three causes in detail, hopefully, it can become better understood. According to Merriam-webster the word ‘empathy’ is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Technology enables people to distance themselves from a situation even while they are actively participating. Cyberbullies are unable to see the pain they cause to their victims in real-time. Due to this, it is even more difficult for them to fully understand the turmoil and damage they place upon their victims. Now more than ever as social media is now the reigning conduit of communication among people, blindly and aimlessly spreading hate online is not only common but an expected factor of online interactions. Recent pop culture has even given a proper label to these people. These kinds of people are now commonly referred to as ‘internet trolls’ or simply ‘trolls’. The cyberbullies displayed a severe lack of empathy after being ousted and questioned regarding their online attacks. The bullies noted that the act of abusing their victims online made them feel powerful and funny.

It is no secret that teenagers struggle with self-esteem and feeling worthy among their peers. With a lack of self-esteem comes a deep and powerful desire to prove oneself. This desire can run so deep that it motivates those who feel powerless to seek power in demeaning and hurting others. According to positivepsycholorg.org self-esteem is defined as “A person’s overall sense of his or her value or worth”. Factors such as genetics, personality, life experiences, age, overall health, and social circumstances all play vital roles in self-esteem. It is important to note that self-esteem is not a fixed characteristic and often it fluctuates throughout a person’s life. Nowhere is it more malleable than during adolescence. When a teenager’s sense of self-worth is low they seek out those who they see as having an even lower sense of self and use them as an emotional punching bag to resolve their own internal issues. While this is not a healthy outlet to release negative thoughts and emotions, it is vital that we understand the motives and perspectives of bullies.

Perpetual boredom has the potential to generate unhealthy habits. As the pandemic has shown us, unhealthy habits like abusing alcohol, over eating, and depression have all stemmed from perpetual boredom. Since the lockdown, a reported 26% of adults have reported increased use of alcohol. With teenagers now more than ever being exposed to social media and other online platforms to pass the time in between zoom school, the likelihood of more bullies taking action against their classmates or even strangers online is posed at a much higher likelihood. There’s no denying that cyberbullies enjoy targeting others online. According to Psychology Today there is a clear link between bullies posting risky or mean comments and the feeling of an adrenaline rush. After a while, it can almost become an addiction of sorts where they need a constant fix. The release of positive chemicals in the brain further encourages the behavior. Given that we are all still in lockdown, the amount of free time teens have now can facilitate an unhealthy cycle of boredom which can then lead to a continued habit of bullying others online in an effort to feel something. While most people are quick to assume that the parties most negatively impacted in situations involving online bullying are the victims being abused, I argue the bullies themselves are just as impacted. I feel it is imperative to remain empathetic in these situations and to remember that both the victim and bully are suffering in different ways. It is not enough to condemn the bully but to critically analyze and ask what or who is causing the bully to take these actions. What void could they be trying to fill or why do they feel the need to be accepted among their peers? In other words, What is going on in society and culture that leads the bully to act aggressively?

To answer this question, let's take a look at the article titled, “American Anomie” by the French sociologist Emile Durkheim. The article explains, “Societies are held together by a web of social bonds that give individuals a sense of being part of a collective and engaged in a project larger than the self. The shattering of these bonds plunges individuals into deep psychological distress that leads ultimately to acts of self-annihilation” (Durkheim). He referred to this type of distress as anomie, which he defined as “ruleless-ness.” Durkheim goes on to say, “The capture of political and economic power by the corporate elites, along with the redirecting of all institutions toward the further consolidation of their power and wealth, has broken the social bonds that held the American society together” (Durkheim). Essentially what he is saying is that, due to an unrelenting focus from the 1% on increasing their personal wealth and protecting their personal interests, that way of thinking has trickled down into the rest of American society. The ideology that claims there exists greater value in the self instead of the collective has infected America and helped propel and maintain an individualistic mindset. Whereas in, “A coherent and vital community, there is a continual exchange of ideas and feelings from all to each and from each to all which is like mutual moral support, so that the individual, instead of being reduced to his resources only, participates in the collective energy and draws on it when his own is exhausted.” (Durkheim). While a cohesive society sounds like the best road to take, in reality we have become selfish. This has bred unhealthy competition and unattainable expectations for those who are not part of the 1%. When you place these immeasurable goals on a teenager who may already suffer with feeling worthy, and train them to compare their achievements with those of their cohorts or measure success by “winning”, they can collapse into themselves and lash out.

While there exist a multitude of articles detailing what cyberbullying is and options on how to approach the situation, the hardest thing to realize is when and how to recognize someone is bullying or being bullied online. Many teenagers now have their own smartphones and even their own personal laptops. It is harder for parents to break through and monitor what their children are doing online. I argue that the solution to this disconnect is not for parents to snoop and keep track of their children’s activities, instead, they should create and maintain a healthy and open line of communication with their children. Teenagers often feel misunderstood and victims of bullying and bullies often crave to be heard and understood. Parents and guardians of teenagers need to listen to their children to only listen and not necessarily to solve the issue, at least not right away. Solving the issue can come later, but that should never be their initial reaction. The moment a teenager does not feel heard they will most likely shut down. I can empathize with parents, If I were a parent my gut reaction to my child opening up to me about being bullied would be to stop them from hurting. This causes an automatic problem-solving attitude and while this thought process stems from a place of love, it is not what victims of bullying need at that moment. It may be what parents believe they need to do in order to help, but in reality, listening is key to helping. One of the best ways schools can help with the issue of cyberbullying is to facilitate an open and comfortable environment where victims feel confident in coming forward and speaking up. Secondly, there must exist consequences for bullies and their actions. Often bullying can go past verbal abuse and turn into physical or even sexual abuse. There needs to exist justice for those who have suffered as well as substantial resources readily available, such as therapy, to help those struggling.

While cyberbullying takes place outside of the classroom, it is the school’s responsibility in tandem with the parents to ensure that the student feels comfortable and safe in their school environment. I also feel it is vital to teach young people and to help them realize and see that their connection with others is intertwined. America is very focused on the self and of self-interest. By default children are taught to compete in order to “be the best” and “succeed” rather than act in solidarity. This causes young people to act in destructive ways toward one another in order to get a leg up. The emphasis of needing to work together as a team has always resonated with me, as I have always admired the African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child”. I feel there is beauty in community and to teach children that community is undesirable and to instead favor self-interest is a tired and toxic way of thinking.

Works Cited

Truthdig, Chris. “American Anomie” truthdig.com. Accessed March 17 2021.

“Cyberbullying: What is it and how to stop it , 10 things teens want to know about cyberbullying” Unicef.org. Accessed February 14 2021.

“Fast Facts” CDC.gov. Accessed January 21, 2021.

“Teen Suicide” Americashealthrankings.org. Accessed February 21 2021.

“New Jersey Anti-Bullying Laws & Policies” Stopbullying.gov. Accessed February 21 2021.

Rosenblatt, Kalhan. “Cyberbullying Tragedy: New Jersey Family to Sue After 12-Year-Old Daughter's Suicide” NBCnews.com. Accessed February 21 2021.

Myers, Gene. “Anti-bullying bill, Mallory's Law, unanimously passes NJ Senate” Dailyrecord.com. Accessed February 21 2021

Marks, Hayden. “Cyberbullying and the Tragedy of Hana Kimura” Thediplomat.com. 05 June 2020.

“Delete Cyberbullying” endcyberbullying.net. Accessed February 21 2021.

Walton , Alice. “Cyberbullying Connected To PTSD Symptoms In Victims—And Bullies” Forbes.com. 24 June 2020.

Ainoa Mateu, Ainoa , Hickey, Nicole , Kramer, Tami , Martinez-Herves , Maria , Nicholls, Dasha. “Cyberbullying and post-traumatic stress symptoms in UK adolescents” adc.bmj.com. Accessed February 21 2021.

“PTSD” Mayoclinic.org. Accessed February 21 2021.

“What Is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder?” psychiatry.org. Accessed February 21 2021.

“The Real Causes of Cyberbullying and How to Prevent it” sossafetymagazine.com. Accessed February 21 2021.

“Empathy.” Merriam-Webster.com. Accessed February 21 2021.

Ackerman, Courtney E. “What is Self-Esteem? A Psychologist Explains”. Positivepsychology.com. Accessed February 21 2021.

Glowacz , F. , Schmits , E. “Changes in Alcohol Use During the COVID-19 Pandemic: Impact of the Lockdown Conditions and Mental Health Factors” ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Accessed February 21 2021.

Martocci , Laura. “So What? Who Cares? I'm Bored!” psychologytoday.com. Accessed February 21 2021.