In Remembrance of My Mother

By Hannah Jung / Winter 2021

I am 21 years old. Old enough to buy alcohol at a store and confidently show my ID to the cashier. Old enough to finally understand why my dad enjoys the flavor of strong scented mushrooms. Old enough to map out the path to my future without the guidance of my parents, and old enough to gulp down the overwhelming emotions to look composed and mature. But, I’m 21 years old, not old enough to possibly imagine a life without my mom. Impossible to move forward without her presence for even a second. Where the world without her seems strange, dark, cold, and empty. No words of comfort and condolences are able to heal the deepest part of my heart.

I was able to witness a living miracle as my mom battled Stage 4 lung cancer for 8 long years of her life. She was strong, loving, beautiful, courageous, and her warm smile and her energetic laughter encouraged many who were lost and hopeless. She wasn’t simply a patient fighting cancer, but she was a hero to those around her, always sharing what she was thankful for even in the midst of unbearable pain and suffering we would never come to understand. Her last breath and her last heartbeat, I have watched it, heard it, and seen it. It’s hard to describe the emotions of watching my mom leave me right in front of my eyes. Not a single word could describe the intolerable pain that rips your heart into pieces. You simply look up at the ceiling and keep repeating the same desperate prayer. A prayer asking for this to be an awful nightmare and nothing more.

If one thing consoles me, it’s the fact that my mom had the best resources and medicine available for her diagnosis. Once chemotherapy and radiation therapy no longer worked, she went through multiple clinical trials at Stanford Hospital, one of the well recognized hospitals in the US. Everytime she became tolerant to the clinical trial, the next option was available for her to try because it was such a big place with lots of resources available from all over the world. But most importantly, money was never the problem. My dad works a stable job so his company was able to provide our family with good enough insurance which covered most, if not all of the hospital bills for her treatments and medications. Knowing the fact that we did everything and anything we could in terms of treatment leaves us with no regrets. Sometimes there was anger and disappointment towards the field of medicine because in the end, they failed to treat my mom. But I never thought about ‘what if we had more money’ or ‘what if we had more resources’ which makes me feel a little more at ease. Looking back at my mom, I’m truly grateful for that.

Cancer and heart disease is one of the leading causes of death in the world. If cancer developed from not living a healthy lifestyle or not eating a healthy diet, that’s fair and there’s no one to blame when one is diagnosed with cancer. Unfortunately, this is not the case. For some, illness is a choice, but for a good amount of people diagnosed with cancer, choice is not an option. Cancer disparities look at the differences in cancer measures. For example, the number of cancer cases both existing and new, cancer related health complications, and survival all relate to the differences in cancer measures. The problem is, there are certain population groups that experience cancer disparities. Certain population groups which involve race and ethnicity, income, education, age, and geographic location.

Fortunately, it wasn’t the location, the race, or social and environmental factors that my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Even to this day, the doctors and my family still don’t understand why my mom was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer because she never smoked, never drank, and she exercised everyday. She always cooked the healthiest food for our family. I remember in middle school, my friend who loved to eat didn’t want to come over to my house for lunch because our family ate too healthy. However, as I began to step out of our own neighborhood and community, I saw a different world struggling to deal with declining health and the healthcare system. I remember a family friend flying back to Korea for simple examinations because the flight ticket was cheaper than paying the hospital bills without insurance. I wonder what it must be like to have to book plane tickets to fly across the globe just for a health checkup. It just doesn’t feel normal. It just doesn’t feel right.

One thing for sure is that this isn’t a simple problem that can be solved with a simple solution. The roots are inching deeper into the ground, becoming thicker by the hour. It’s too late to dig up the roots, the growing plant, but instead we must focus on slowing down the process of its growth. When we trace back to the problem by looking at history, we see the slaves and the immigrants flowing into the country. Many immigrants crowded into America in hopes of living a better life with a promising job, but the idea of nativism kept most of the jobs to the “native” born Americans and many were left unemployed. Fast forward to today, we see a higher rate of cancer amongst certain populations and certain places are under-resourced and disadvantaged. Social hierarchies continue on from the past, keeping everyone set in place of their hierarchical levels. The only difference is that in the past, it was strictly by race and in the present, it’s determined by one’s status in society and how much of the country's wealth one possesses. Interestingly, social hierarchies are just defined differently. The people of color, the immigrants still remain on the bottom and the whites still dominate the top of the society leading to health disparities especially the most deadly one, cancer.

I won’t argue that cancer is not a natural phenomenon. The reason why there isn’t a successful cure for cancer even to this day is because cancer is natural. It could be passed down from parents, you could be a smoker and naturally develop lung cancer due to your unhealthy habits, or you simply might not know the real reason why you were diagnosed with cancer, like my mom. So there’s no reason to argue that it’s not natural. Cancer is natural and inevitable for some people without question. However, research shows that it may not be natural for a large percentage of cancer patients. Because cancer is also developed from choosing to live an unhealthy lifestyle. But here is the key point: some people don’t have an option but to live in under-resourced areas of the country. These disadvantaged areas are dominated by Black and Latino who were unable to escape to the suburbs as the country was shifting and developing into larger and better cities. They couldn’t escape because of their place in society. There are less opportunities for the lower class to make a drastic change to their lifestyle because they don’t have the money, the power, and the resources available.

Now let’s look at how a disadvantaged neighborhood looks like and how that might lead to serious health problems. We have already defined that these areas are predominantly Black and Latino. But what does their daily lifestyle look like? How are their lives and their environment different from an average person living in a more resourced neighborhood and why would this lead to a separation between health? Why would this lead to cancer disparities? Let’s imagine that a dad of a family of 4, who lives in a disadvantaged neighborhood, wakes up to his alarm clock early in the morning. As he steps outside to get to work, he takes a deep breath and finds himself inhaling the smoke and chemicals in the air because there is a factory nearby. As he walks down the streets, it’s dirty, unorganized, and unsafe for kids to run around without their parents. There are frequent crimes and violence that surround the place he lives and it’s always in the newspaper. The park is floored with sement instead of being surrounded by green grass so it’s empty with not a lot of children in sight. The dad comes home from working long hours as a school janitor and he’s greeted by bills after bills that are overdue. Constant stress accumulates from his unstable job and lack of money to pay off bills. Even when he works long hours, his annual income falls short to cover the cost of his family so his life is always unstable, always surrounded by worry and anxiety. This is just a glimpse of a life of a person living in a disadvantaged neighborhood. In the documentary, Unnatural Causes: Place Matters, it talks about how the street address and the place you live is a good predictor of your health. The families living in these under-resourced neighborhoods have no option but to be caught up in a vicious cycle. Chronic stress forms which are toxic for our bodies. From here, developing an illness and being diagnosed with terminal cancer is not questionable. 

In today’s society, not only does wealth equal power, but wealth could also mean longevity, and better quality of life and care. While the rich continue to get richer, the poor get poorer and unhealthier. It’s not that the minorities chose to be at the bottom of the social hierarchy, but the society has placed them there. It’s shown throughout history. A video from class shows that “the bottom 80% of the people of the US have 7% of the nation’s wealth between them” (Politizane). Just to be clear, this 80% includes the middle class and even some of the upper middle class. When the 80% of the population has to share 7% of the nation’s wealth, this means the lower class has barely any portions of those 7% of the wealth. With the smallest amount of money available, the lower class ends up being disadvantaged with not a lot of resources available for them.

Clearly, cancer disparities are deeply rooted in history. It’s not as simple as eating an unhealthy diet or being passed on from parents and grandparents. At first, social inequality starts with discrimination and nativism, but soon begins to solidify its hierarchial shape based on each individual’s social economic status. Money naturally flows to the top and naturally disappears from the bottom. The lower class and the minorities of society face poverty, lack healthy resources, and they are constantly surrounded by an unhealthy environment. So it’s not that these people choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle, it’s not that they don’t eat healthy because they’re lazy. When you live in these disadvantaged neighborhoods, you are surrounded by chemicals, violence, and crime. You have to live with poor quality housing and the constant pressure of having to pay off bills. Stress is accumulated which eventually leads to cancer and other illnesses. Therefore, environmental factors play a huge role in cancer and diseases. Persistent poverty unables the lower class to break away from their unhealthy lifestyle. Sickness no longer results from the consequences of one’s behavior, but sickness results from unchangeable factors that revolve around their lives, unable to escape from the vicious cycle.

Eventually, a lot of the population living in the disadvantaged neighborhoods develop cancer or some sort of a health problem. Perhaps, this might be more natural than cancer passed down from family members. Unnatural Causes: Place Matters documentary states that living in these neighborhoods increase the risk of developing heart disease by 50-80%. The most important factor when it comes to a family member being diagnosed with terminal cancer is having the security that they have the money and resources for treatment. Money can’t be the problem when it comes to terminal illness. We say money doesn’t equal happiness but it’s a key factor that provides security in times of despair. But where are the people living in poverty going to find that security? Even when they are diagnosed with terminal cancer, they still have to go to work and make money for the family. Hospital is not an option. They rely on pain medications to get by the day. This is heartbreaking. I can’t seem to imagine the darkness these families have to live in. There’s no security anywhere for these people, no escape hole, no nothing.

Once a terminal illness is diagnosed, the remaining options are limiting. The options are even more limiting when you are faced with economic obstacles that might potentially tie you down. Nothing must be more heartbreaking than to find yourself not being able to do anything for your loved one because of insurance. If the environment, from living in disadvantaged neighborhoods, is the cause of terminal cancer, it must be even more devastating. Personally, it’s hard to relate because this wasn’t the case for my mom. I can’t say I fully understand what they are going through physically and emotionally. But I’m able to sympathize with the people going through these types of problems. It’s all around us. It’s written down in facts online and it’s physically next to us, down the street, and across the neighborhoods. The problem of cancer disparities is much more complex than one could imagine because the root of its problem comes from the past. It’s unimaginable how treatment could become unavailable for a patient because money is unavailable. We as a society should be concerned, worried, and anxious for the countless lives lost due to socioeconomic factors that leads to incurable cancer. But as selfish as it sounds, humans have a hard time empathizing with other people’s problems unless they experience it for themselves. We are foolish, self-centered, and ignorant. Because once we experience it and finally understand in perspective of others, it’s too late. Lives are already lost, relationships broken, and we are simply left with the feeling of regret, one of the hardest emotions to deal with because there’s no redo and there’s no turning back.

A possible obstacle prevents society from solving this problem. It’s the fact that our individualistic society teaches us people are responsible for their own problems. It criticizes the unemployed, the overweight, and the poor, telling them it’s their fault for being unenterprising, feckless, and improvident (Monbiot). We live in a world full of competition which neoliberalism views as “the defining characteristic of human relations” (Monbiot). When the society is governed by competition and consumerism, there’s ought to be people who fail to keep up with the rest. Society blames these people for their place in society but history shows otherwise. It’s the environmental factors and their social standing in society which makes them fall behind. Therefore, instead of blaming them, we should blame and criticize the past, the history, for forming the society to be this way.

The only way to actively solve the problem is to push even more towards equality. The word equality seems to be the answer to every question and the solution to every problem. Currently, medicine is mostly for those who can afford it and for those who have the money and status in society. I’m not trying to force the reader to view the upper class in a negative way. Whether it was by chance or hard work, some of them definitely deserve to be there. However, I believe health has to be viewed through a different lense. Instead of acting as a cure for the sick, medicine acts more as a brick wall for those who simply can’t afford it. It acts as a barrier, an unreachable hope, for those who struggle with money. This system has to be changed. There has to be a way to completely flip the system upside down. It’s not that we have to work towards distributing the nation’s wealth equally among everyone, that would be too extreme. But when it comes to health, when it comes to a terminal illness, and when it comes to life or death situations, equality has to be more enforced and acknowledged because we are dealing with a life here. Equality in medicine would mean affordable healthcare for all and providing equal care and treatment for everyone. Every life is equal and every life is precious.

In the midst of fighting for equality and searching for that balance between what would be beneficial for the majority, the Second Bill of Rights brings hope and reassurance by assuring the economic security. FDR truly recognizes what people seek after. FDR guarantees a specific economic bill of rights for the people and tells us that we have “The right [of every family] to a decent home, the right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health, and the right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment” (Course Reserve). It’s a promise that steers us away from the fear of becoming sick without medical care. It’s a promise that might allow the lower class to join the better, healthier neighborhoods which would change their lifestyle. It might not be able to serve as the key to all social problems, but it definitely leaves us on a hopeful thought, leading to a promise of a better future centered around equality. One example is Medicare for All where it serves as one national health insurance plan for all Americans. It gives access to the best medical facilities for the low income people. Another example is shown in Unnatural Causes: Place Matters document where the city comes together to rebuild the toxic communities to create a safer living environment for the people living in these neighborhoods. FDR lists the most important concerns of society and promises that we all have the right to break away from those concerns because these are our rights as long as we remain to be citizens of this country.

Death is inevitable. The moment we are born, we get closer to death each day. It’s a topic that’s avoided because it seems unreal. It seems as if we would be able to live forever. I was one of them. The thought of dying never resonated with me because I always found myself living in the present. I pondered upon human existence and the purpose of life but I was often too caught up in trying to balance between school, sports, extracurriculars, volunteering, and relationships which outweighed everything else that was also part of my life. Next week’s exam, my GPA, getting into the varsity tennis team, getting that internship which would straighten up my path, toxic relationship with my first boyfriend, and college acceptance letters mattered more than the thought of disappearing from the world one day. However, reality hits hard when you witness the first death right in front of your eyes, and it’s the death of whom you love the most. Denial doesn’t last long but acceptance doesn’t come any easier. That’s when you realize that there is an end to everything. Nothing is eternal or everlasting. The problem is, even when we’re aware of the fact that forever doesn’t exist anywhere, we’ll never be ready for it. It’s no longer about the economic factors of whether or not terminal illness can be cured, but it’s about how death is inevitable whether you’re rich or poor, smart or ignorant, a success or a failure, fully satisfied or unsatisfied with the current life. But it’s this thought of not having to worry about the economic factors that provide a sense of security. In the midst of chaos and doubt, our family was able to solely focus on my mom. We were able to see the dignity in her death, which is what mattered the most now that I look back at the past 8 years of her life and mine. Death will come one day for everyone. It’s something that can’t be ignored. So when that time comes, I pray that more and more people would be able to experience dignity in the death of their loved ones, where economic factors won’t even come to mind when such a tragedy happens in their lives. Maybe one day, my prayers will come true.

Works Cited

“Cancer Disparities.” National Cancer Institute,

“Cancer Disparities in the Black Community.” American Cancer Society.

“The Economic Bill of Rights.” Ushistory.org, Independence Hall Association.

Monbiot, George. “Neoliberalism – the Ideology at the Root of All Our Problems.” The

Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 15 Apr. 2016.

“Office of Minority Health.” Cancer and African Americans - The Office of Minority Health.

“Persistent Poverty's Impact on Cancer Death.” National Cancer Institute,

“Place Matters.” Unnatural Causes. Kanopy.

Politizane, director. Wealth Inequality in America. YouTube, YouTube, 20 Nov. 2012.

“WATCH: 2019 Presidential Forum on Environmental Justice.” Democracy Now!