Hidden Struggles Outside the Classroom

By Anonymous / Summer 2022

Frequently, I get asked the question of what I do during the day. I repeatedly give the same response: “I studied all day.” Ever since I have arrived at UCSD, this is a phrase I have used quite often. Every spare moment of time I have is dedicated to trying to either learn more, or to reiterate things that I have already learned. It is very important that I ace every test. It is very important that I ace every assignment. Most importantly, it is very important that I do not fail. Funnily enough, I used to unquestionably believe that I must do this for a very silly reason. I was always told, “People fail because they are lazy.” I did not want to be labeled as a lesser individual by society, so I worked hard. After witnessing the truth, hidden within my academic peers, I no longer study all day for this reason. Today, I study all day simply because I have the privilege of being able to.

I have met all expectations I have set for myself since arriving at UCSD. I have that “dreamy” 4.0 GPA, and I have even completed many extracurricular projects that look nice on my resume. I often wondered how other people struggle to succeed at this school. I believed that the simple key to success was hard work. I would think that people were just lazy, and had no one else to blame but themselves for failing. I just figured that they must be doing things like playing video games or partying, when instead, they could have been using that time to study. Eventually, my academic performance landed me a tutoring job for UCSD’s Intro to Programming Course in the spring quarter. When the course started, I fully expected to teach all I knew and leave a lasting impact on the students’ knowledge. However, I never expected the reverse to be true as well. These students and their stories have completely changed the way I view this competitive environment. It was here that I saw the competitive individualism plaguing our school, or even further, plaguing our society.

The thing about tutoring is that over time the student and the tutor build a trusting relationship. After this point is reached, the student will often tell the tutor of stress-inducing factors going on outside of the classroom. I remember one student talking about how they were working 40 hours a week and taking four classes. When I heard this, the first thing I instinctually did was estimate how many hours a week the student was busy. I roughly guessed around 60 hours and I was taken aback. I had considered myself in the upper echelon of productivity and even I was not nearly as busy as this student. I followed up by asking the student as to why they worked so much, to which they replied that they would not have enough money to live otherwise. They needed to buy food, school supplies, and pay rent. This caught me off guard, as I was only tutoring as a hobby for 10 hours a week. I did not have to work to survive. I was fortunate to have parents who could provide me with all my necessities.

Outside of temporal aspects, my eyes were opened up to the idea of somatic setbacks within the academic environment. I had another student talk about how they fell behind in class due to contracting COVID. They detailed the difficult process of having to move into isolation housing. I was also caught off guard about the physical limitations they faced. They detailed how they had constant headaches and a horrible cough. It was so bad that all they could really do was lay in bed for days. I immediately pondered about how difficult it would even be to focus on academics if I could not even get out of bed. This brought many other scenarios into my head. I began to imagine how many other students faced health problems, both inside and outside the realm of COVID. I had not been sick during my academic venture. In fact, I had not faced any health related problems at all.

Outside of physical and temporal limitations, I learned about emotional challenges that many students face. One particular student mentioned that their mother had gotten into an accident and needed surgery. When I heard this, I thought about my own mom, and the stress that I would face if anything like that happened to her. There would be no way that I would be able to focus on school. This is only one example of a psychological barrier that people may face at any moment. I’m sure that there were many other students who faced emotional challenges, yet they did not want to talk about them. Perhaps this is what my students meant when they said, “I have a lot going on right now.” Perhaps they were facing things such as relationship struggles or family tragedy. I took a look at myself and realized that my life was the complete opposite. Internally I thought, “I do not have much going on right now.” My family was healthy and my relationships as ideal as they could be.

I learned a lot during the quarter, and yet I was the teacher. The truth is, there’s a common societal belief that if your failures are simply the cause of you not working hard enough. This is especially true in the U.S. academic system. There’s a reason why we put such emphasis on 4.0 GPAs. We even hold special celebrations for the valedictorians of every class. Now, I want to make it abundantly clear that I believe we should absolutely celebrate these achievements. However, it is also important to refrain from judging those who were not as successful. There is no even playing field for everyone, and each of us have our own challenges. Some people’s personal hardships may have been so fierce that it is an extraordinary achievement that they even graduated. Look back at the stories I have witnessed and ask yourself these questions: Have I had enough time to focus on school? Have I been perfectly healthy? Have my friends and family been healthy? Have my relationships been relaxed? I am fortunate enough to have passed all these criteria, but others are not. Now that I understand this, I will never judge another person’s failures and I will praise their successes, no matter how big or how small. We are all fighting our own battles, and they should not be on someone else’s battlefield.