In a Colorless World of Competition

By Sana Haddadi / Fall 2021

When I was 18 years old, I moved to California from Iran. Prior to my immigration, I was living the predetermined life that my parents expected me to live. I had very few opportunities growing up in a society in which women were expected to be supported by men once they marry. As I've learned to rely on myself to solve my problems, I've been encouraged to break free from traditional feminine ways of living and to inspire others to do the same. I grew up in a society where even educated women with occupations needed their spouses' consent to have a passport or travel. Moving to the states was the biggest dream of my life. I had imagined it as a utopic land of opportunity, equality, and liberty. I knew adapting to a new environment wasn’t going to be easy but I always believed it to be much better than the conditions I was living in.

Two days after arriving in the States, was the first day of high school. That was when I started to feel overwhelmed. I watched seniors preparing themselves for SAT, losing sleep over their college applications, engaging in extracurricular activities, all preparing themselves for a race of college admission. Meanwhile, I was just trying to figure out how to adapt. I already felt behind in the race. My senior year of high school did not adequately prepare me for college. I never did any work in high school and barely studied, so I got away with Bs and Cs. But that was just the beginning. As a result of falling behind in the admission race, I couldn't get into any of my dream schools. I could see how disappointed my parents were. I could feel that they lost their faith in me. Regardless of the negativities surrounded by me, I went to a community college for 2 years. I spent hours at the library, skipped meals, sleep, and social time and tried my best to get all As so I can transfer out of community college. During those two years, I have been working two jobs, taking 19 units each semester, and sacrificing my social life just to get back on track with others of the same race they’ve been running since high school. I was so focused on getting all As, that I almost forgot how it felt like to live and not stress over the race for a moment. I never realized how negatively this race has been affecting my life especially my mental health until recently. The race itself made me eliminate my hobbies one by one by trying to prioritize and focus on one thing, the race itself. I stopped playing piano after 7 years. All of a sudden all those talents and skills, seemed foreign to me. I started my days, with extreme panic attacks. I precisely remember asking my dad to place his hand on my heart so he can feel my heartbeats and what I'm going through. My heartbeats were faster than the race itself. I was getting the grades I was hoping for but the void inside me was never filled with the happiness of getting good grades. Meanwhile, the race never stopped for anyone.

I found myself in a colorless world of competition. My mental health kept getting worse and worse every day. My parents kept telling me that I’m fine and I shouldn't associate any of the mental health issues like depression, anxiety, bipolar with myself. I was battling every day just to keep up with the race but no one seemed to notice. One low score was enough for my parents to blame it on my laziness and lack of effort. Sometimes people’s actions do speak louder than their words. My parents never said I was not enough but their actions made me believe that I wasn't enough. They might've not directly told me that but they've constantly compared me to their friend’s kids. My head was full of the should haves and could haves. It always started with “maybe if you tried a bit harder” or “if you studied a bit harder” and never with “you did the best you could and you deserve to take some time off”. All these sentences made a weak runner out of me. Every day I became weaker and weaker. I started to lose my passion, my motivation, and my faith. The burden of society’s expectations, on one hand, the burden of my parent’s expectations on another. Thankfully my aunt never let me quit. She was there for me every step of the way, encouraging me to keep running and to prove to my parents that I'm worthy. She was my supportive marathon spectator. I was so involved with the race that never had I realized that I wasn’t the problem, the problem was with the race itself.

Now that we’ve discussed how society has made a runner out of all of us in a way, we can explore more about the background of the race. During the gilded age, the wealth disparity in the country widened dramatically and economic prosperity appeared to be a gleaming gem, but under the surface laid inequity, extravagant consumerism, and corruption. The majority of the country's wealth was controlled by the top one percent of the population- the affluent entrepreneurs. During this era, the need for labor in the nation's industries expanded dramatically as a result of industrialization. While industrialization increased job opportunities, it also resulted in unsafe working conditions for the growing industrial workforce. The affluent businessmen would take advantage of their employees for the sake of their profit, causing them to endure dreadful and often deadly working conditions. Although most industries had poor working conditions, there was a continual flow of immigrant laborers to fill the vacancies which were one of the causes for the enormous surge in immigration to the United States was the availability of industrial employment that needed little or no training. To build a better life, workers continued to put up with poor salaries and hazardous working conditions. Big company owners, on the other hand, lived opulent lives. The economic gaps between laborers and major company owners expanded rapidly throughout the Gilded Age. This race has made people greedier and greedier every step of the way as they started to care only for profit which can lead to disasters like the Triangle fire. 145 young immigrants, mostly Eastern European Jewish and Italian women, passed away in a matter of minutes. Young immigrants working at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory, like those working in most industries at the turn of the century, faced difficult working circumstances such as long hours, low pay, and unsafe working conditions. However, they all tolerated these harsh conditions because, by the end of the day, they would be able to bring food to their family table. During this period, the stories of self-made millionaires such as Andrew Carnegie seemed to be an encouragement for people from a lower class to believe that if they work harder they could be the next success story or the next millionaire. The reality is that these kinds of stories were exceedingly rare and although the American public idolized the few millionaires, the government was supporting the interests of the few. In such a race, Robber barons were way ahead of the majority of people because the United States government made this race easier for them by serving the interests of the wealthy and large businesses. Meanwhile, people from the lower class were trying harder every day with a crushed spirit, blaming themselves for not becoming successful and rich. Happiness was a goal, one that humanity- mostly the middle class- strived for but never completely achieved. The government’s interference had not only helped to widen America's wealth gap between rich and poor but also crushed the spirit of the middle class. The government's favoritism towards the robber barons seemed to support Karl Marx's claims which stated that that the primary goal of the government in a capitalist society was to ensure that the rich and powerful preserve their wealth (Zinn).

Evidently, we are currently in the midst of a second Gilded Age. The Gilded Age presently shares a strong predaceous tendency with its historical precursor, allowing the world's billionaires to collect ever-increasing riches while leaving the rest of us behind. The United States has entered a second Gilded Age, more competitive than before with its burden being shifted from state funding to individuals, under the present dominance of neoliberalism. Prior to the outbreak of COVID19, we were emerging from an era of extraordinary economic growth that impacted many Americans, causing incomes, expenditures, living standards, as well as conceptions of luxury living, to skyrocket and income disparity to be soared to levels not seen since the early twentieth century, illustrating that although all boats were lifted due to the remarkable economic growth, some had a greater buoyancy than others. Capitalist connections have been gathering steam at an accelerated rate in our modern economy, and ever since the COVID19 crisis, a new reality has evolved; The COVID-19 epidemic has brought to light the harmful repercussions of a system that has controlled every element of our lives. Not everyone has suffered the same consequences; More importantly, class, gender, race, and age have been crucial elements in determining one’s capacity to restore mental health or financially rebuild one’s life following the pandemic. Physical social connection has mostly been abolished as a result of the pandemic, exacerbating the process of societal breakdown. The aggregate power of social interactions that make up our social existence has been decimated by neoliberalism. This profit-driven individualistic culture is self-reinforcing; When a group is broken down into a collection of individuals rather than a tightly integrated society, it becomes vulnerable and subject to dominating forces. Neoliberalism has not only guided many institutions and the health care system toward prioritizing profit over social concerns as well as human well-being but also exacerbated inequalities between people and countries as an economic ideology of capitalism. Neoliberalism has been influencing the insights and analytical approaches of individuals to conform to market demand. As a result of the neoliberal practices and beliefs, power imbalances among individuals within a society are maintained.

By looking at the history of the rat race we can see that capitalism has done an excellent job of portraying this race as an individual pursuit with a culture of severe competitiveness, and extreme isolation. Capitalism is based on the notion that humans are self-interested, obsessed with power and reputation, and fundamentally competitive. All social ties are tainted by capitalism. It places individuals in competition with one another, encouraging sexism, racism, nationalism, and xenophobia which mostly affects marginalized groups such as immigrants. Now that we have seen the history and the depth of the problem with this race, we can see how it affects individuals, especially the younger generations and the marginalized communities. Individualism in the capitalist culture makes it more difficult for the younger generation to manage their mental health and physical wellbeing collectively. Many young people enter college with the belief that their own goals and interests would propel them to success. The capitalist ideology has made young people link competitiveness with achievement in their quest for academic excellence. The increasing pressure to be academically flawless, on the other hand, might make their life goal appear unattainable, leading to sentiments of stress and discouragement, which can contribute to poor psychological sequelae such as depression and suicidal ideation. The majority of immigrants, on the other hand, feel like they are not even competent to be a part of this race due to facing multiple challenges in their arrival in the States. Due to high levels of anxiety and uncertainties, immigrants' daily lives have become more challenging and these challenges make them feel like they are far behind in the race. Many immigrants are struggling to find a job in the present economic downturn, which puts additional financial pressures on them. Throughout this race, equal opportunity is taken for granted, with little attention given to possible roadblocks. A significant percentage of young immigrants think that if they study hard and go to college, they will be able to fulfill the American dream and taste the sweetness of success. Yet there are so many college graduates all over the States that are struggling to find a job. As a younger generation immigrant, I have been working nonstop, losing sleep, skipping meals to prove myself worthy and competent for this race. Most people don't know why they fail in their attempts to become successful and as under the influence of the ideology that holds that individuals who fail are to blame for their failures, they often cast blame on themselves. It is commonly assumed that if a person fails, it is due to personal deficiency. This concept is misleading because it lays an excessive amount of stress on the individual. The negative effects don’t end with the younger generation immigrants. This race has made the older generation immigrants believe that they have no place within this race and consider them incompetent. It’s been almost 4 years since my family’s arrival in the States and dad still hasn't got a job. This misconception has degraded my father’s self-esteem by making him believe that he's incapable of finding a job. My father has once been a well-respected chairman in his country and he has so many skills to offer but the employers rather employ younger applicants with no experience. My father has lost his faith and has believed that has no place in this race. Cultural capital, as a component of social reproduction, has a substantial impact on an individual's success in society. The Overwhelming obstacles provided by institutional restraints not only limited prospects but also dampen the expectations of individuals aspiring to the higher social class. The difficulties, resources, and opportunities accessible to people of middle class and immigrants are vs those in the high tier are vastly different. The social class in which one is born will most likely remain the same throughout their adult years. Those in the top social tier are not subjected to the same challenges as those who live in the bottom tier. One might say, well there are some elements of choice in establishing one's social class, but structural limitations are mostly responsible.

You might think with yourself how does one preserve their soul and sanity in a race that is often designed to crush one’s spirit? The race that has been attracting more people during the industrial revolution, has made a money chaser out of all of us. We all chase after expensive cars, bigger houses, higher-paying jobs because we think we assume happiness could be found within these materialistic possessions. Many of us work hard for a promotion in our careers which is rewarded with more work and quite some money. So if we connect the dots, we see in the end, we all are chasing after money. I know you might be thinking that not everyone chase money but people find happiness in a high-quality life which is made possible with money. Setting high expectations for oneself is essential, but they have nothing to do with price tags. Living a high-quality life entails savoring every moment and making the most of every opportunity. You can find happiness in doing something that makes your soul happy and it doesn't have to cost a fortune. I can’t tell you where you can find happiness, but I can assure you that money on its own, doesn’t fill the void that we all have been trying to fill. One way to preserve one’s soul and sanity in this contemporary world would be finding value in other aspects of life - other than money. Dr. King once said, “We must rapidly begin the shift from a thing-oriented society to a person-oriented society”. Today, we can easily understand why this shift is necessary. We are captivated by this race as it moves faster than our moral and spiritual development. The race that many people have been part of, has been diminishing their light without themselves noticing. Different people have a different definition of this light within their lives. Such light could be their passion for music, art, medicine, entrepreneurship, or many other fields of interest. I discovered my light during my darkest times and that was my passion for classical music. Listening to classical music has always piqued my interest and has played a crucial part in my life by introducing me to unique pieces, broadening my range of emotion, and cultivating some character traits like dedication and patience. Classical music as a substitute for anxiety medicine and acquiring materialistic possessions has also helped me get through some difficult moments such as my panic attacks. I have recently learned that in order to pursue happiness, one must search within themselves for the light that has been buried deep down in our heart. There is no materialistic possession as bright, permanent, and continuous as the light we discover to fill our hearts, regardless of how “gilded” an era might be.

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