The Storm Inside is Hope

By Nolan Golden / Fall 2019

Dear Nolan,

I’ve wanted to write to you for some time now, but have always hesitated to do so. Mainly, I still don’t quite understand how this whole “I’m writing to you from the future” thing works. As you may know, we have always been concerned about choosing time-travel as our super power, fear of messing with the space-time-continuum generally leaves us stuck, idling on whether it would, in fact, be the right choice – assuming such a decision would be permanent. Alas, here I am writing unto you, yet, with greater power than we had ever imagined possible. I am certain this letter is worth the disruption. As you will learn, sometimes it is best to ask forgiveness rather than permission. 

Based on when I am sending this letter back to you, I know what you are going through. I know of the battles raging on right before your eyes, and most importantly, of the silent storm nestled deep within our mighty body. Let us focus on the storm. For the storm is but an illusion, a fictitious construct of our own creation. The storm can be cleared. And once it is, in its place you will find the power for which you seek. I cannot give you all the answers, but I can depart upon you the following knowledge which shall aid you in battle.

First, your innate draw to those with masculine presenting forms will in no way condemn you for all eternity. Being gay seems like a death sentence, but in fact, will be key to your liberation. Your experiences earlier in life did not make you gay, for no man could ever simultaneously cause you harm while also providing you with such a gift as the one you carry. Second, you are of more than one energy. Your body is comprised in a masculine form, yet your demeanor exudes that of femininity. Although you may feel that this is but a curse cast upon you, I promise my dear child, it is far from it. The ability to change one’s appearance at will is a powerful thing, one that many others simply cannot do. Take pride in your ability to walk among crowds of people and bewitch their very minds. You did not ask for the eyes which enable you to see, nor the hands which enable you to grasp, or for the feet which enable you to stand. But answer me this, if you do not complain nor wish away the ability to see, grasp, or walk, why then, would you so choose to cast aside your ability to love or willfully change your form? My child, if you are to access the power in which I hold today, do not wish away the abilities given unto you. Revel in who you are now, and always.

Quite possibly the greatest challenges you will have to endure come after affirming your identity, and by people you would least expect. As you enter the gay community, you will certainly first take notice that there are not as many “boys” like you. There will be many who share similar behaviors as you, but reject such notions that a boy can be of both a masculine and feminine energy. There will be many who wish to worship your body, but reject it should you indulge your appetite too much. There will be many who claim our people are ones who value the principle of love, but will draw such harsh boundaries as to who deserves to receive this love we hold so dearly. In many ways, although this community is one who beckons you to come as you are and take refuge amongst your fellow faggots, to many that’s all you are, still, just a faggot.

I do not wish to install fear into your heart, to cast a spell of doubt that prevents you – us – from becoming the person you – we – are today. Heed my words, Nolan. Do not doubt that you will achieve great things. Revel. Sing out. Speak out. Turn the storm inside you into a beacon of hope. Nevermore let others dictate who you were and are meant to be. Redefine preconceived notions. Disrupt the system. Live authentically.

I carry you with me, always.

Yours,

Nolan G.