Awakening the Palette of the World
By Miranda Li
Lying on the grass, my eyes closed, I felt a gentle breeze tousle my long hair, and the smell of autumn brought me back to my high school days.
Part I: A World in Black and White
In those years, I attended a high school in China where strict rules governed our lives. Girls had to maintain straight hair, cropped above their ears being one of them. I can vividly recall the only time I shed tears in front of teacher, it happened on the first day of school after summer vacation.
I had spent my entire vacation growing out a beautiful, long hair. As a teenage girl entering maturity, I took delight in enhancing my beauty. I was hoping that perhaps this semester, our teacher would be less strict, allowing me to keep my hair. Despite my friends’ warnings against such audacity, I walked in the classroom with my long hair.
Unfortunately, the rules remained unchanged. When my teacher saw my hair, I was immediately dragged out of the classroom, with my clothes almost slipping off my shoulder. I regretted my stupid decision and kept begging him to at least permit me to visit the salon after class. I stopped after hearing the sound of scissors cutting my hair. Tears filled my eyes, and as the final strand of hair fell to the floor, I knew there was nothing more I could do. I ran to the restroom, in the mirror, I saw a poor teenage girl with her ugly short, jagged hair.
There were numerous rules: mandatory school uniforms, standardized hairstyles, confiscation of mobile phones upon entering the school, and strict closure of the school gates at 6:30 am in the morning. Anyone arriving late would be publicly criticized over the broadcast system and barred from entering the school for the day. We also had a timetable that allowed no space for us to rest. Makeup, hair dye, or personal attire were strictly prohibited, and those who dared to challenge these rules faced severe consequences.
That was a place where teachers held the highest authority. Daily quizzes and monthly exams molded us into machines designed for college entrance examinations. Every exam ranking result, with our names and scores for each subject, was posted on the bulletin board for everyone to see. Negative emotions regarding school, teachers, or exams were unacceptable. Only students with good grades were deemed valuable. They were appreciated by teachers and rewarded, becoming role models. Those with lower grades were labeled failures, made to stand as punishment.
This reality became an accepted truth, not just for me, but for every student wearing the same uniform as I did. Whenever negativity surfaced, I always blamed myself. I believed I hadn't worked hard enough, and disappointing my teachers was a personal failure. After each exam, it was common to find students weeping in the restroom. We consoled one another and suppressed our negative emotions. We resigned ourselves to this existence, striving to be good students. Our happiest moment was when we noticed our seats inching forward in the classroom, indicating an improvement in our grades and a higher rank on the chart.
Part II: A World Alive with Colors
My awakening occurred when I arrived in the United States for university. Here, individuality was celebrated, and personal expression was encouraged. My teachers respect me and valued my opinions. Once, after a computer class test when everyone's grades were low, I entered the classroom feeling nervous, anticipating the teacher's criticism. To my astonishment, the teacher didn't get mad at us; instead, he apologized, acknowledging that the questions had been too difficult. This experience was beyond anything I had ever imagined. All my peers were diverse, each bringing their unique perspectives and backgrounds. They all have different dressing styles, different hair styles. I was captivated by a classmate's vibrant light purple hair, glimpsed during a math class. For the first time, I grasped the magnitude of the social matrix I had been trapped in, I remembered all the rights I have as a human who born to be free.
Waking from this social matrix was exciting but also terrifying. I realized how we had been confined within a reality crafted by school and teachers. As living individuals, we possess our distinct natures and ideas. However, under the constant constraints of teachers, our individuality was terribly stifled and domesticated. We lived for grades, the only criterion for our success, which is unreasonable. We were trapped within capsules of the matrix, losing our creativity and analytical skill. We were trained so well that we became obedient, without questioning anything. Teachers should not possess the authority to pressure students or promote unhealthy comparisons. Instead, a well-rounded individual, with a balanced perspective on life, should be nurtured. It's crucial to focus on holistic development rather than driving students to the brink of mental breakdowns in pursuit of high grades. I'm excited that I broke free from the “reality” of the matrix.
Upon awakening from this social matrix, I felt like a bird released from its cage, learning to navigate a world where my voice mattered, and where questioning authority was encouraged. The once-muted voice inside me grew stronger, urging me to question, to challenge, and to embrace my unique identity. Now, I possessed the ability to seek truth, a capability not confined to any specific education system. It was about recognizing my inherent capacity to discern, to question, and to think critically. The journey from stifling conformity to the liberating embrace of individuality marked my awakening from the social matrix.
Lying on the grass, I slowly opened my eyes and took a deep breath. The air felt like freedom, pure and fresh. As the sunlight poured on my skin upon waking, a profound sense of relief and warmth enveloped me, painting the world in hues of hope.