Your Story Will Not be Forgotten

By Emily / Fall 2021

Dear Noemi,

I’m sorry. You have disappeared and I don’t think I can ever get you back. You’ve fallen into a fog and I can’t find a break in these clouds. It isn’t fair, I know. I am sorry your beautiful story is coming towards its end in this way. I wish for so much. I wish you were here and present. I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate everything you have done for me and our family. I wish there were some way I could go back in time and learn your secret recipes and dance in the kitchen with you. I’m sorry, this is just very heavy for me. I cannot even imagine what it is like for you, if only you knew.

I want to talk to you and tell you about what is going on. This is going to be difficult to understand and believe, and truth be told, it won’t make a difference. You have Alzheimer’s Disease. I am sorry. That may be something hard to chew and digest, so take a moment, and I will tell you a little more about it. You were diagnosed about 3 years ago and it has been a very rapid decline since then. You do your best every day. Mom does her best every day. I do my best every day, but it hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been easy at all.

We all used to get so frustrated and angry, you, me, and mom. So angry at the diagnosis, so angry at God, so angry at medicine because it has yet to come through for us. Earlier on in your diagnosis, in a way I knew you knew about it, you didn’t know, but you knew. I would take you to your bed and after you fell asleep, I would come in and check on you, to make sure you were okay. I remember seeing you some nights and you wouldn’t be asleep; you would be crying. You were praying, and you were crying to God asking what was happening, why it was happening. It broke my heart. It made me angry too.

Since your diagnosis, I have had a lot of time to think. A lot of time to reflect. A lot of time to try and see the bigger picture. I am a student at the University of California San Diego, I don’t think you know that. I study Human Biology and am hoping to get into medical school. There were a lot of reasons why I wanted to go into medicine, but it really has come down to one factor. You. I want to be a doctor and I want the healthcare system to be better, and I want to help make it better. I have had a lot of experience with the healthcare system lately and it is not all bad, but there is definitely places to improve.

Just to state the obvious to you, healthcare is expensive. You and grandpa hated taking us to the doctor here in the United States. I get it, it’s expensive and you don’t speak English, so the language barrier was there. What I have realized though, is that we are not the only ones. We are not the only people struggling financially to get good, quality medical attention. We are not the only ones who fight that language barrier that inhibits us from a quality standard of care like everyone else who speaks English.

Treatment is expensive. Medications are expensive. Caretakers or private care facilities are expensive. Now, more than ever that has become apparent to me. So, now knowing this, I thought why? The United States is one of the richest, if not the richest, country in the world. So why on earth is it so difficult to find quality, affordable healthcare in the United States? When I was thinking about this, I did what one of my teachers taught me and that is deeper thinking.

I thought, medicine is expensive, insurance is supposed to help but it doesn’t always. Why is it so expensive? There is so much money to be made in medicine and finding cures and treatments. God knows I would throw millions of dollars to find a cure for Alzheimer’s Disease or Dementia if I could. But stepping back a bit, its money. Medicine is an industry like everything else in this economy, it is a business. The medical industry makes so much money on families like us, who have no choice but to get treatment. Maybe I am off the mark and need to think deeper. That can’t be it could it? The world couldn’t possibly so dark and twisted that they would rather see patients die and families suffer so much pain.

I think back to when I was a child, I would play doctor with you all the time, I remember being so in awe of medicine, the things it could do. It takes the pain away, it makes me feel better, it is amazing. I was so optimistic and so naïve. Now that I am older, I have become more of a realist, but deep down I hold onto the purity and beauty I believe the world has the potential to be. I believe people generally want to be good and kind. I have to believe doctors want patients to live and want to save lives. If I don’t believe that then how am I supposed to have any faith in the system.

I want to be the best. I want to be a light. I want to make those around me happy and healthy. That includes you. Every time we speak, you may not know who I am or speak very clearly but I can always make you laugh, and I can always make you smile. I think mom gets jealous sometimes because you give her a lot of attitude. I believe I can do that. I believe I can be that one day as a doctor. I believe I can bring comfort to those who need it, especially those who have a language barrier and are so uncomfortable.

Going to the hospital is so uncomfortable for everyone, even more so when we used to go, I could see it on your face, and I would translate everything for you. I do that a lot now, I am a medical interpreter at a hospital, and I get to help bring some comfort to families, like how I used to bring some comfort to you.

Unfortunately, I have learned that as a minority race, we are incredibly underserved and kind of cast aside. That is nothing new, as I am sure you have plenty of experience with people being rude or diminishing a young Latina in America who couldn’t speak a word of English. I wish I could tell you that it has gotten better, the racial hierarchy but to be honest, it still exists, and it is so horrible. At the end of the day, people are still taking action based on assumptions. The old saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” and looking beneath the surface is so important.

What we as humans need to realize is that we as humans are all interconnected. We all have a family, we all have capacity for love which means we all have capacity for connecting and if we can realize that, we will all be so much stronger together. There’s this great passage my professor showed us a few weeks ago, it says, “It is said that disaster brings out both the worst and the best in people. Perhaps this is a challenge to us as individuals to determine what kind of person we are going to be. Will we be the hoarder, who focuses on their own well-being to the detriment of others as neoliberalism and individualism encourages? Or will we reach out in love and help the lest fortunate? Will we remain connected during this time, reaching out to our family and friends to remind them they aren’t alone? Will we in solidarity use this opportunity to dismantle the hegemonic beliefs that permeate our daily lives and demand something more?” (Lecture 16)

I really appreciated this text and let me tell you why. When something bad happens, people have an innate instinct that kind of guides them to how they should respond. However, ultimately any decision made, any path taken is a choice. It all boils down to that. A choice. We may not have a lot of say in the things that happen to us, I know you certainly didn’t. However, we do have a choice in how we react to them.

I believe that the only real thing we ever have complete control of is ourselves. We can choose to be kind. We can choose to be mean. We can choose to get out of the bed every morning, or we can choose not to. We can choose to make people’s day better or we can choose to make it worse. I am not saying outside factors don’t play a role in our choices, they absolutely do. However, for the most part, we have the ultimate choice in what we say or do.

I choose to not allow this hard time to turn me into someone cold and mean. There are times I am sad and angry, but I cannot allow that to dictate the rest of my life. We can learn from our experiences, good and bad and take them so we know better in the future. That is what I choose to do. We are not who we used to be. We have grown and changed because we have learned throughout our life.

I learned a lot from you. You taught me so much. I wish I could have had more time; you could have shown me more. You could have taught me more about your experiences in your life. You have endured so much in this life. Living in Cuba under Castro and taking care of your family despite all the hardships that entailed. You came to America finally when grandpa was released from the work camp he was sent to in Cuba, and you never looked back. You and grandpa came with your kids, and that was all the family you had here for a while. It must have been difficult, trying to raise your family in a foreign country where you couldn’t even speak the language. I could not even imagine being in that position, what it felt like. You are incredible. You are brave. You did it all for a better life for you and your family, and I thank you for that.

I thank you because without you, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be living in America, going to an incredibly great school. I wouldn’t be living the life I have now, I would have never gotten the opportunities I do now, and I see that now. When I was looking back at all the broken promises America gave you, it made me angry. (Lecture 7)You came here for better and were faced with mountains of difficulty and hardship. You were criticized and judged because you were not considered American. Taunted and discriminated against because of where you came from. That can still be a problem in today’s America, but it has gotten less apparent, less obvious.

If you look at the world around you, it is so easy to make a quick judgement call and say that there is violence, inequality, and greed. (Lecture 17) Our human nature by looking at the surface focuses on the negative, but there is a huge problem. If we are focusing on all the negative and seeing a world through these lenses of everything is horrible and people are evil, we are missing the beauty and the hope that is also all around us. I used to feel more hopeless, but when I look deeper into these issues I have, I feel hope and I know that there will be light. We are imperfect beings, we are flawed, but that doesn’t mean we are horrible creatures. We are also smart and extremely capable, and I believe that we can all take action to make things better. In order to do that we need to remember to do things with a happy heart, love and light. That’s what I try to practice every day.

I practice this with you, at work, the hospital, really anyone I interact with. If we can all act in this manner, with love and care being our first impression, there will be a great difference in the way we treat one another. The saying is true, to treat others the way you want to be treated. If you want to be treated with respect, treat others with respect. It doesn’t always work, some people will still be disrespectful or rude, but I for one will not meet them at that level. I will keep my head high because I know better. You taught me better.

As I am preparing to graduate this spring, I can’t help but to feel excited. Each year I am getting closer and closer to my goal of working in medicine and dedicating my time, efforts and abilities to help those who need it. In a world filled with fear and hatred, little by little the light will shine through the darkness. I want to be that light. I want to work alongside people and create a even bigger and brighter light. Give care, respect, dignity and comfort to all. Regardless of who they are and where they come from, that standard of care is their right. It is their right to be taken care of and treated with dignity and respect. Everyone has a story. Everyone has past experiences that have shaped and molded the person that they are today. I don’t know everyone’s story, maybe it has a whole lot of good or maybe a whole lot of bad, but regardless they get the basic human right of dignity and respect.

Your story is incredible, I wish I would’ve heard more of it and known more of it. You have lived this amazing life, and I want you to know that it will not be forgotten. Your story and that of you mother’s will live on through me. You are all a part of my story. You, mom, everyone around me contributes to my story. These experiences I am living through or have lived through, I have learned and have shaped me into who I am today. I am proud of who I am, and I will only learn more every day and hope to be better every day. I choose to live like that, grateful for the past and optimistic about the future.

I love you forever,

Emily

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