When Do We Stop?
By Uliyaah
I used to hate how my mom always refused to stop working, and by extension, never let my sisters and I stop helping her. For most of our childhood, we spent hours of our day cleaning up the messes made by my brothers and my dad, all of whom were older than us.
In recent years, the workload has become more distributed among my family, but it is still clear who carries the brunt of it. Despite my sisters’ and my efforts to split it more evenly, my mom almost forcefully takes the work herself.
Working looked like something built into my mom's personality. And as I would come to realize, it was.
When we would visit the Philippines, I would see where my mom got her habit from. My grandma, Lola Oma, was the same way. I would only ever see her cleaning, working in the shop or sleeping. I can still remember how, as I played, she would be sweeping, what I viewed as, an already spotless section of the room.
Little ten-year old me would think: “Why was this? Couldn't she tell it was already clean?”
What I didn’t see then, was that it was not a matter of cleanliness but of duty and obligation.
The traditional role of women as the primary caretakers of the household is deeply ingrained into our society.
While this role has always been underappreciated, there was at least somewhat balance when families could survive off of one parent's income, in most cases the father’s. However, the rise in living costs has shifted this labor distribution into greater inequity. The entry of women into the workforce hasn't translated into a reevaluation of domestic responsibilities; instead, their unpaid work at home is still considered their primary role in the household, in addition to their paid employment.
This has led to the distribution of labor to become increasingly unfair between men and women.
When we discuss the pay-gap between genders, most people assume that it is simply that women are paid less than men for the same job. Unfortunately, it is not that simple.
While there are cases where this is true, the reality is that women take lower paying jobs in general which is the main cause for the pay-gap between genders. When some people hear this is the reason for the pay-gap, they further dismiss it as a self-inflicted wound caused by a lack of motivation among women instead of what it really is; a systemic issue deeply rooted in societal expectations and gender norms.
The hours of unpaid labor assigned to women from birth makes it a necessity for them to seek jobs with more flexibility and fewer hours, especially if they are fulfilling caregiving roles. Unfortunately, the trade-off for acquiring these jobs is also that they receive less pay. This has led to the ever present disparity in income when it comes to gender.
To dismiss the gender pay gap as self-inflicted by women is to overlook the complex interplay of societal expectations, gender roles, and the systemic undervaluing of women's contributions.
My mom's tireless work, handed down through generations, reflects not a personal choice but a societal structure that places the burden of unpaid work disproportionately on women. It is a structure that demands our collective efforts and the re-evaluation of gender norms to create a society that values such work instead of a task done through expectation.